Healing Isolation with Laughter

Four and a half years ago, I had a woman on the podcast who was just starting a business. And although she believed she had something big on her hands, she had no idea what was ahead of her, including becoming a global company, and being named one of Forbes 50 over 50.  On this episode of the Grown Ass Woman's Guide, You'll hear directly from Dani Klein Modisett. We'll talk about where she was, where she is now, and all the lessons that she has learned along the way.

About: Dani Klein Modisett is a comedian/author/entrepreneur and author of the book, “Take My Spouse, How to Keep Your Marriage Happy, Healthy, and Thriving by Following the Rules of Comedy (Shambhala Press, 2015). Part memoir, part instruction the book draws from the course she taught in Stand-up at UCLA for ten years. Her first book “Afterbirth...stories you won’t read in Parents magazine,” (St. Martin’s Press, 2009) was based on a sold out show she created. In 2018, after her mother became depressed facing an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, she had the idea to hire a comedian to cheer her up. It worked. She wrote an article about it for AARP. After receiving 100’s of requests for comedians she launched Laughter On Call (LOC). LOC started sending comedians around the country when senior communities asked for training for staff. Dani then created a curriculum for self-care and creating connection at all stages of cognition for caregivers. When COVID hit, LOC services went virtual servicing the broader business community struggling with depression and anxiety. To date, LOC has worked with over 500 companies including Meta, Capital One, Bristol Myers and more. Dani has been a speaker & facilitator at Stanford Business School, Harvard Business School, Fuqua at Duke, Columbia, UCLA Andersen and Dartmouth College. She has also coached keynote speakers, business leaders, and Congressional candidates to use more humor in their communication. Her writing has appeared in AARP, NY Times, LA Times, Parents Magazine and many websites. She is a frequent speaker at conferences including Milken Global Conference, CALA, ICAA, and others.

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Transcript

Episode Title: Healing Isolation with Laughter

Guest: Dani Klein Modisett

Episode Link: https://grownasswoman.guide/episode184/

Four and a half years ago, I had a woman on the podcast who was just starting a business. And although she believed she had something big on her hands, she had no idea what was ahead of her, including becoming a global company. And being named one of Forbes 50 over 50. On this episode of the Grown-Ass Woman's Guide, You'll hear directly from Dani Klein, we'll talk about where she was, where she is now, and all the lessons that she has learned along the way. This is the Grown-Ass Woman's Guide. I'm your host, Jackie MacDougall. 

Dani Klein is a comedian, entrepreneur and author of two books. Take my Spouse, How to Keep your Marriage Happy, Healthy, and Thriving by Following the Rules of Comedy, and Afterbirth, stories you won't read in a parenting magazine. In 2018, after her mom became depressed facing an Alzheimer's diagnosis, Dani had an idea. Here she is, back in March, 2019.  

Dani Klein Modisett: I have like this dentist/life coach, she's always telling me what to do.

Jackie: Only in LA, right? 

Dani Klein Modisett: And I said, man, I just wish I could hire a comedian to cheer my mother up. And the dentist, Dr. Messman, she was like, well, why don't you? And I said, can you do that? Can you, like, what do you mean? And I was like, aren't I supposed to go to an agency or something? And she was like, no, why don't you just ask around? So I went home and I put up on Facebook “looking for comedian, interested in gerontology, paid gig.” And my phone rang like two minutes later and it was my friend in New York, Amy Stiller from a long line of comedians, and she was like, oh my God. I just got off the phone with my friend Sue, who lives in LA and she wants to work with seniors and she's a comedian.

Jackie: That's amazing. 

Dani Klein Modisett: So she came over and she met my mother and, She just got right in her face and was completely honest and was like, Hey, what's going on? You know, I, uh, I bet you don't wanna talk to me, right? You don't wanna talk to me. You're thinking, who is this schmuck just in my face talking to me? The minute she said the word schmuck, like my mother's face just lit up, and she started giggling and they were kind of off to the races. 

Jackie: It's been five years since Dani launched Laughter on Call and so much has changed. But not everything.  

Dani Klein Modisett: I mean, it's like a blink. I remember sitting at your podcast because I remember also thinking, uh, I don't look right. I didn't have the right t-shirt on. I don't have the right makeup on because, and once again, same, nothing's changed in five like, oh wait, I don't have the right makeup on. Beep beep beep, but yeah, five years. 

Jackie: Wow. I went back this morning and listened to the episode just to refresh like where you were and all that good stuff. It was March, 2019. Go back five years ago. In hindsight, what are your thoughts? 

Dani Klein Modisett: I feel it was completely divinely inspired. I've read recently, like Michael Jackson or Prince or one, maybe Prince. They have this idea that like ideas just come through them and if they don't take the idea, the other one will. It's like an old interview or something and, and I really feel that way about, like, ideas come to me, 'cause I also, I don't know if you remember, I had the show Afterbirth, stories you won't read in a parenting magazine. Ran for 10 years and then was published as a book and it was giving voice to people. That we didn't really hear about a lot of men like the struggle of having the baby and the life change of having a baby. Funny stuff. But still, and that was just an idea that came to me when I couldn't breastfeed and I was like, oh my God, I need funny stories about this. Please help. And this the moment with my mother, which I've been reviewing as I reflect on the last five years, it was very clear. Like it was very clear. The minute she started laughing, I was like, oh wait, like what? Like this has to be everywhere. And I think the rest of it has really been kind of divinely inspired in that the way that it has moved along, because right after that moment, and I don't know if this was true, when we had spoken, I wrote an article about the experience for a AARP magazine and I got hundreds of responses requests from the article asking for a comedian, around the world, and simultaneously, TIME Magazine had published an article called The Science of Laughter, and it was a whole magazine about the positive, physical, mental benefits of laughter. And also I had been in a dance class, oddly, with a woman whose mother had Alzheimer's, and she read the article and said, Hey, I really wanna support this, come in and pitch to my team 'cause she had a foundation. And so I took my article and I took the TIME magazine issue and I made a Venn diagram. Again. I don't know how I made a Venn diagram. That's what I mean. Like what a what? But I did, I made three circles on a page and I was like, what do you need for this business to grow? It would have to be people with Alzheimer's, comedians and money, 'cause I knew it was gonna be private pay. And then I researched, Where's a lot of Alzheimer's? Where's a lot of comedians? But that's what I walked in with, and did the pitch and then walked out with a really nice amount of money to launch. But all of it, all of it, all of it.  

Jackie: Just a few months ago, Forbes named Dani one of their 50 over 50, recognizing her for the massive impact she has made through laughter.  

Dani Klein Modisett: I just have to say like, had nothing to do with that. Truly. I didn't know about it, they just said to me, well, you were nominated for this, will you fill out the application? And even at first I thought it was a joke, like I thought it was somebody soliciting me so I didn't, and then they came back and said, no, you need to fill this out for real. But that is the most recent example of like, oh, okay. I guess this really is meant to be in the world and I feel very grateful. Most of the time when I'm, when I'm not panicking, I feel really grateful to be the one shepherding it in, but somebody would've landed on it. It's just like, I'm lucky 'cause of my life experience, I was kind of chosen to do it. 

Jackie: Yeah, that's amazing. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Big opening monologue. 

Jackie: Forbes 50 over 50 is pretty damn big. And I wanna talk more about that , how did that feel? Your name, along some of these women who you've probably grown up watching or knowing about or respecting, and here's Dani Klein Modisett. Like how did that feel? 

Dani Klein Modisett: It was crazy town. Not to be overly humble, but I was like, wait, what? Like I truly was like said out loud. What? Because, right, because if you look at that list, It's such an imp I'm on truly. When somebody says I'm honored to be a part of this, like I truly am, I'm like, yes, yes. Temple Grand. And yes, I think that it's pretty nice to be even in the same universe as you. And so I'm incredibly grateful and I do feel part of it is a function of having a different spin on something that can be so depressing and so sad, and to be kind of a force for good and possibility of relief, given what's coming, given the statistics of what's coming in terms of the people affected by Alzheimer's and other dementias. I think that part of the recognition is like, wow, this woman is out there, but she's out there in a way that we probably all are going to need. So, it was a great vote of confidence for the work that we're doing and to keep going. 

Jackie: Right. You mentioned like when you're not freaking out or, or worried. And so one of the things I love about you is how transparent and vulnerable you can be out there in the world. By this angle, it looks like, well, you came up with this incredible idea. You're making an impact. You are being recognized, you are making money. What could you possibly have to freak out about Dani? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Um, well, I'm a bit leveraged, as any entrepreneur is, so you have to be comfortable with that. Um, so I was an actor when it was an actress, for so many years and I lived there for years. Early on, 25 years ago, where it was like, uh, am I gonna take the subway or have a bagel today? Like, money was like, really, I was so frugal and lived a very, kind of very controlled life financially. And as soon as you step into the entrepreneurial space, you have to be really comfortable with big numbers, big risks, like you're rolling big. And so I think that for me has been an adjustment. I remember hearing about entrepreneurs, I won't mention who, but maybe he was president and the amount of debt, like billions of dollars of debt and like the guy sleeps at night. Like, I don't understand that. Like I'm so conscientious and I'm so grateful to my investor that, and investors plural, that I am so like, that can stress me out. That's what can stress me out. Like delivering on what I've promised and everybody's expectation. I think that's probably, that's probably the source of it. 

Jackie: Yeah, that's gotta be an interesting life. Given that everything that you created or, or did everything that you create, Sort of only impact you before, was your book, it was your comedy, it was your show, I mean, your show, you brought in other people, but now you, you're employing other people and that's a whole different life. 

Dani Klein Modisett: It is a whole different life. And California, as anyone who has a business in California will tell you very, uh, hard on employers. It's a tough place, so, right. I am responsible for the livelihood of three people and thirty others. I don't support them fully. They're freelance. But a lot of people through Covid, I mean, I can't even tell you how many people I supported through Covid, which is one of the things I'm most proud of. People always ask me, what are you most proud of? What do you, the fact that I was able to keep all these artists going through Covid was like, oh, I get chills just thinking about it. There was no restaurant work, there was no party work. Like they showed up and we did events around the world. I was really fortunate that that November when we had to make the transition to virtual after, you know, covid, so it was like, what March? And then by April May, we were running virtual interactive lunchtime laughter from 12:00 to 12:30. I said, okay, well, Let's at least do that. We assumed that it would be caregivers and people with Alzheimer's, like let's give them a break. They're so isolated, the most vulnerable population. And very quickly, perfectly lucid people were showing up who were stuck in their homes and needed to feel a sense of connection and comic relief. And so that started rolling. And from there I was reading all these articles in the Harvard Business Review, and Forbes, and the Atlantic, the New York Times about HR, and they don't know what to do. they're overwhelmed with people's anxiety and fear and how is it gonna work? And so we started pitching to all these companies and we landed in a newsletter called SnackNation. Not getting paid for that plug, but they were amazing. And of course I thought when it was presented to me that I was gonna get free protein bars, I was like, oh, SnackNation, I'll take some protein bars and no, it's actually a periodical for the business world, for resources.

Jackie: Mm. 

Dani Klein Modisett: And that really is what blew us up. So for November and December of that year, I had people working five hours a day just going from zoom room to zoom room to zoom room, you know, dealing with international teams. It was very, very wonderful. And I'm just so proud of that. And then it's, now we're, you know, we're always adjusting. We're always adjusting.

Jackie: What do you think are the biggest surprises over the past five years? You start with this small idea, wanna get in front of people with Alzheimer's, which I think is incredible. Not only for those who are diagnosed with dementia of some sort, but the families like to see your relative or loved one laugh to see them just let go and just be in the moment. I can only imagine how that feels like ,seeing my own dad go through Alzheimer's. And so, what did you think it was going to be, and then what surprised you about the whole thing? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Okay. Well, I definitely thought it was gonna be big. Like that's the thing I remember going, 'cause I'm on a board of like the local, it's called Maps Marketing and something professionals of all people who work in the senior space. And I remember one of them saying something to me about local and you know, reaching out to California and I was like, hmm, no, no, no. Like, yes, yes. And I have a much bigger vision for this. And I think you have to, for anything that you do creatively, you have to have. Just the biggest vision because you're probably not gonna reach the biggest vision, but even coming close to it, even having that force and belief. And so I always did envision something very big, I didn't anticipate the corporate piece and like the mental, supporting mental health globally. Basically, you know, I have this talk that I'm doing now, you know, like shared laughter, the antidote to isolation and the key to innovation. Like that idea that shared laughter is not just about reaching people in isolation for Alzheimer's, but it's actually like a universal, non-pharmacological intervention that speaks to what is needed right now. And so I couldn't ever have anticipated that and that, that Covid would bring to the surface just rampant feelings of loneliness across all sectors. And that, we would have something that could actually help. With that, but it was in Covid when those people started showing up that I was, I was like, oh wait, like we are dealing with isolation globally. Wait, like, that was the intention, the initial impulse with my mother was her feelings of isolation. I couldn't reach her, and then when I saw her laugh with another person, and she felt that sense of connectedness, that unique sense of connectedness, that's why when everyone was isolated, I was like, wait, I think we could actually really help with this. And um, so I couldn't, I wouldn't have anticipated the way in which it's grown, but I'm super grateful because one of the challenges of the senior space is funding. It really is. And Covid made that worse. You know, they were really up against it. A lot of these senior communities just with the expenses of daily living and all that testing protocol that had been brought in and all the death they were really, really compromised. And so bringing in a company that to help your people laugh, it’s like, yeah, we'd love to do that, but like, we're spending a hundred thousand dollars a month on testing. So, I am super grateful that there's bigger application, but it's always in service of getting back to and continuing to develop the work in that space. 

Jackie: Yeah, because I can only imagine it was like, oh, that would be nice to have and not necessary to have at that time. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Yeah. I mean that's the constant struggle of the laughter piece, right? Is kind of making that leap for people from nice to necessary. 

Jackie: It's just so interesting because with all the science to back you up, it should be seen more as necessary. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Right. There is a lot being written about it now.  

Jackie: Timing is everything. I mean, it could be the thing that makes you or breaks you. And so, you know, we get out of covid, we start to move on. And then how did you transition then into from what you were doing into where you are? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Well, again, we just continued to grow. So we still do virtual events like a lot of companies did not snap back. A lot of companies are still either hybrid or completely virtual. So for the hybrid ones, we started going in person. So we've been to Bristol Myers. We've been to Amazon and we run the same thrust of what we were doing on Zoom. Now we run in person. In fact, I have one today for LA City Councilman Bob Blumenfield. We're gonna go there and work with his team, get them all kind of connected and, laughing, little comic relief. And that'll be two hours. And I have two kinds of training structures that I use based on a course that I taught at UCLA, I taught standup at UCLA for 10 years, so I kind of robbed from that and from my books and taking comedy outta the clubs and into your life and very specific tools and two acronyms. And so yeah, so we go there and we just get people, you know, first get them present and energized and then kind of teach communication tools using improv exercises. 

Jackie: That's cool so you're doing the in-person ones, you're doing the virtual. How often in your business are you actually working with the dementia patients or Alzheimer's patients? Is that just a small sector now of your business? 

Dani Klein Modisett: It is probably 40%. and we have like regular lots of steady clients in LA for that. We're always looking for more because we even have to put anybody on a plane. And I have comedians around the country. We have a wonderful bunch up in Northern California that are gonna be working with Coie. I just went to New York and did a workshop with Coie. That's a senior community that has like 450 offices. And here  I've also been teaching a memoir class for three years at Fountain View to eighty five to a hundred year olds. Yeah, one of my people just turned a hundred. and we do shows quarterly. So we've done those on Zoom for three years and then a hundred people show up like all their relatives from Europe and around the world come and hear them, read their stories. So that, yeah, it's really cool. 

Jackie: That’s incredible.

Dani Klein Modisett: I love, I mean, we're all very connected to each other. It's been three years. We were just talking about it yesterday and like, They, these people show up every week and they've told their stories and we've shared a lot and I'm super excited for them. And I told them, we were talking about like five years from now, and I said, well, I plan to still be here teaching all of you. Hahahaha!

Jackie: Good. So, I remember when my dad was alive and he would go into the hospital for, a variety of things and they would put him in the hallway, because they didn't have a bed or, you know, and they would talk to him like he was just some frail old man who had, you know, no experience in his life. Like, I mean, it was just, it was really, really sad to me and really frustrating to me that here's a guy who raised 13 children who survived, my mom was 39 when she died. He was 38 years old when he became a widow or widower, I forget which one's which, of 11 kids and then he got remarried and all this stuff. But he had lived a whole full life. He had done so much. He was so capable. And then, you know, here he was in his seventies and he was just being treated in this way that was just so disrespectful and they just disregarded him, I feel like. What have you learned about senior citizens in the last five years? 

Dani Klein Modisett: That they're there. That they're there. You can't, you know, I used to see a lot of this. Oh, she doesn't look good. No, she doesn't. That's not good today. No. You know, and you're like, what? Hello. Like, they're there. And so, and that is a lot of what we teach, you know, in the workshops, the idea of honesty, you know? Because you know, as a comedian, you know, it's funny 'cause it's true, like somebody who's willing to tell the truth and like just being honest with a person. And that was the look, that was the original moment with my mother that if anybody's ever heard me, I tell the story all the time where the woman, you know, she pulled up a chair to my mother. 

She got it eye level with her and she told the truth. She was like, I know you don't wanna talk to me. No, you're probably thinking, who is this schmuck just talking to me. And you know, my mother laughed because it was the truth. And also 'cause schmuck is a funny word, but, but that sense of like, showing up and respecting that there's a person there and really checking in with them. And there's also such an opportunity to know them in a different way at this stage of their life. But you have to be willing to show up. People are super afraid of cognitive decline. They're just afraid they don't, itmakes them so uncomfortable and feel so threatening that they don't, they have a really hard time showing up for it, which is why I break it down. I have this video where I'm like, five things you can do to have a successful visit with someone with Alzheimer's! 

“In honor of the last day of Alzheimer's Awareness Month, I'm going to give you five, five tips, things you can do to have a successful visit with someone in cognitive decline, because it's totally worth it. 

Number one. Bring food, bring, you can break bread, bring a donut, bring a cookie, maybe don't bring Ezekiel toast, not that tasty, but you can bring food and just share it.

Number two, play music, play some music. Before 1960. They loved that music. And, another thing you can do, bring some photos. Look at that! That's me, yeah. And you can make up stories about the person. Just tell a story. It doesn't have to be true. But you can talk and engage. And maybe they will participate, which would be great. Also, you can dance. You can dance. You can dance. You can make it up. You don't have to be a good dancer. You can just bring that kind of energy.

And last but not least, maybe they don't talk anymore, but you can make a funny face. You can make a funny face and they will make that funny face back. It's a little thing called mirroring and you will have made that connection because they are in there. And so that's my Gift to all of you, five things you can do to engage with people in cognitive decline. It does matter. And they will so appreciate it. And so do I!”

Dani Klein Modisett: The first one is like, bring a donut. Like, it's like, you know, like break bread, like ancient tradition. Just break bread, create a connection, I'm hoping that if you give people simple ways and actionable steps to take that, even if you can only stay 20 minutes, it's 20 minutes more than most people. And they've had a human connection for those 20 minutes. 

Jackie: You know, There are a lot of listeners who might be in this whole quote unquote sandwich generation, they like, you and I have teens. It's funny, we're, listen, listening back, you had an 11 and 16 year old and that was four and a half years ago. So, um, you know, and my kids are like 16, 18, 19. And so, you know, we've got young adults on our hands.  

Dani Klein Modisett: Yes, a hundred percent.  

Jackie: And there are a lot of people like us who are also taking care of aging parents and trying to figure out that, and, and feeling really, really stressed. And so what have you seen from your kind of bird's eye view, do you have any tips for someone who might be in that position to make it a little lighter or make it less stressful? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Yeah. So this is gonna sound obvious. The first one is breathe. 

Jackie: Hmm. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Yeah, that's just, you gotta breathe, you gotta take the moment to just, like I always say, breathing is the first building block of self-care. So you gotta do that. Also a big one is you have to accept imperfection and not even just accept it. Embrace it. Take it as an opportunity. 'cause it's all gonna be nuts. You're never gonna be perfect at it. And the more you can stay in the moment and be with what is, particularly cognitive decline, I just remember like trying to take my mother to the bathroom in a public place and her coming out with like, I don't like her pants. Like, you know, craziness. Just, you're just, you have to improvise and, you know the sandwich thing, you do the best you can and I think you are, in showing up for your parents, you are teaching your kids the value of showing up. So I think there's real value in that, even if it means sacrificing a bit of your quality time with your kid for this phase. Not missing the big things for sure. But you, my theory about the the parent piece is you need to do whatever you need to do so that after they go, you don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling bad. And like I didn't do enough and I never Was this more clear. We did an episode of the doctors. And one of the doctors, it's like four doctors, they're all fabulous. But then, the oldest doctor, we're telling the story. They're, there's beautiful footage and the camera pans and he's teary. So of course they jump on that 'cause it's such good tv and they're like, oh my gosh, why? What's going on? Why are you crying? This guy's gotta be close to seventy. Sixties. And he says, I don't know. I'm just realizing I could have done so much more for my mother. I could have showed up for my mother, and it was so, so moving. And that's what I think you need to protect as a parent and a daughter. They're going to pass and you are gonna still be here. So what are you gonna do to make sure that you have peace after they go?

Jackie: Right. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Whatever that means for you, but you have to take the time to figure that out so that you protect yourself. I remember teaching a memoir class at Belmont Village in Westwood. Bunch of very smart, they're all like U C L A, professors that there and. This woman, again, probably eighty, writing about how much she dropped the ball, caring for her mother and how it tortures her still. So that's the greatest gift you can give yourself is figuring that out and taking the actions and your kids will understand. And obviously if you have little ones, you gotta get help or, little ones you can sometimes bring with, with a toy or, you know. It was actually hardest for my oldest son who was closest to my mother. He couldn't, it was very, very painful for him. So you know, and you gotta just respect that. It feels like an impossible situation, and the only way through it is one minute at a time. 

Jackie: I remember with my dad, um, he didn't know who I was anymore, and I just decided I wanted to be someone who, when I did see him, you know, he was in Massachusetts, I was in California, and I would go back and visit and I just made a decision that I wanted to be someone he liked to see, regardless of if he knew who I was. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Mm-hmm. 

And so, That, you know, while I was visiting, it was like I would come in and he was like, oh, hey, you know, He didn't know it was me, but it was just such a lovely thing where I was like, I just want to be a bright spot, um, and sort of get out of my own way because I could have stayed in that. And especially being the 11th of 13, like you already wonder if your parents like, you know, you're a number sometimes 'cause there's so many kids. And so when he was going through that, it was like I had to let that go. I had to let that part of me go that wanted him to know who I was, 

Dani Klein Modisett: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, it is an ego issue for some people who feel like, nah, they don't even know me anymore, so, so then you have to make a commitment that you're going to be of service to another human being who loved you at one point. Or, you know, relationships are complicated.

Jackie: That takes a lot. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Yeah, so again, it's like, it's up to you. If there is an abusive situation and you don't wanna show up for that, just know that you're making that choice so that you can have peace. 

Jackie: Yeah, I think that's what it really is, is making the choice and not just hiding from, 'cause you're making a choice regardless of what you do. So make it with intention and make it like, and it's okay if, if that's somebody that you have to let go of because whatever reasons. Um, don't just like, not show up until that choice is completely taken from you and then you feel shitty forever. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Exactly. No, absolutely. 

Jackie: So I wanna talk about you while I have you for a few more minutes. What have you discovered about yourself throughout this whole process? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Uh, that I'm very sensitive. 

Jackie: I love that you're a comedian. You probably can't talk about yourself in a real way. 

Dani Klein Modisett: I know that's what they make fun of me. 'cause I'll like say, I'll have to say one of my credits and I'll use a funny voice. And they're like, Dani. You don't have to say Forbes 50 over 50, don't have to use a funny voice. You could just say it. Um, yeah, so I'm very sensitive. That's the hardest part. I'm very invested in my people who I feel have done so much for me, and with me. And so I'm very sensitive about that. It was probably good that I was an actress and had all these other careers and whatever disciplines that I pursued leading up to this because, you know, it really trains you for rejection. A lot of entrepreneurship is pitching and as a trained performer and a comedian who's done solo shows. I had a pitch, one minute pitch last week, so I scripted it, I memorized it, I lit myself. I wore better makeup than this and I hit the ground running 'cause I have 30 years experience, you know what I mean? And I'm in these entrepreneur groups and. They're dancing as fast as they can, but like, are you kidding me? We're performers. So that's lovely. I'm super grateful. Instead of feeling like, oh God, I wasted blah, blah, blah. No, nothing's a waste. Like it all contributed to my being able to show up for this. I think that's probably what I've learned. I always lead with my heart, which, you know, is the good news and the bad news. It's why, it's like I have wonderful people who work for me and they've all been with me for five years now, and that's unusual in a startup. And I think it's because I care so much they know that I'm doing the very best that I can and sometimes I make mistakes. I just wrote a blog last week about making a mistake and kind of walked through that experience for me and having to own it to maintain the relationship and show how much I care about this person. But I made, I mean, I made a mistake, like, I don't know, like I did.  

Jackie: And how did you deal with that? 

Dani Klein Modisett: I called it out. I called her up and I said I made a mistake, but like, I was upset all weekend. About this. And by the way, it wasn't like a really big mistake, but the fact that I had in any way caused someone upset and you know, I just couldn't. Also, because my whole team are artists, they're actors and comedians. And I know that they get rejected a lot and I don't want their work for laughter on call to be another thing that like, I want it to be the thing that builds them up. I don't want it to be another thing where they have to feel bad, like, please. So 

Jackie: But that's grown ass! That's grown. I mean, I think we all make mistakes every single day, right. And I think at a younger age, I may have been either like, well, I didn't mean it, so I don't know why you're taking it that way, you know? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Yes. I'm so sorry. You feel that way a really good way to not-

Jackie: Double down, or like double down on like, no, that's not the way I intended, you know, or whatever. But now at 52 I'm like, oh wow. I could see why that was received that way, and I apologize. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Yes, I just had someone, 'cause I get solicited business. Constantly, and I'm vulnerable to it. I'm like, yeah, okay, that sounds good. And so somebody sent me something yesterday about social, you know, we're gonna give you 10,000 more followers and build your business by 5000%.

Jackie: By tomorrow night.

Dani Klein Modisett: Right. And I didn't even watch the whole thing. But I have a social media person, so I sent that to her. I forwarded it to her, and then she slacked. Uh, well I thought this was off-putting, but I'll look at it. And I interpreted that to mean that she was insulted because she's my social media person. Why am I sending her a video about social media? And of course for an hour I was like, until I got her on the phone, I was like, oh my gosh, I didn't mean to insult you at all. Like I didn't even read that thing. And then she was like, she said, I don't know what you're talking about. I meant I was offput by the video itself. You know, so there's a little bit of. You know, parent, not paranoia like oversensitivity, which can get in the way of business. And by the way, since it's the Grown-Ass Woman's Guide, you are not gonna have a man on here having this conversation 

Jackie: No, but you're gonna have a man out there having this conversation either!

Dani Klein Modisett: Tight. That's what I mean. very, um, it's so uniquely female, maternal and nurturing. to have that kind of thought. I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings. I feel bad. Like I don't want anybody to feel bad. I don't know a lot of… What are you gonna feel bad sometimes? Like, suck it up.

Jackie: Right. And we make mistakes and that's okay. And so, you know, you touched upon this a little bit, like for the past five years, it sounds like you have had to allow yourself to receive help, receive support, was that a challenge for you? 

Dani Klein Modisett: Um, I'm gonna say no because my very first boss, outta college, this man, Jerry's Acts, he's a Broadway director, won a lot of Tony Awards, and I followed him around for like three years. And the one thing that I noticed that he did that made him a master in addition to his talent and his vision was he always hired the best people to do what he didn't know. So his design team was Anne Roth and this one and that one. And, let them do their best at what he doesn't know how to do. And I run Laughter on Call the exact same way. I don't get in the ring if my social media person tells me XYZ, I trust. That's her area, and that sounds good to me. I really do put the people in place that have more talent than I do in other areas, and I trust them. Like, that's your party. And thank you. Thank you so much. 

Jackie: Yeah. That's awesome. I'm gonna clip that right there because I think we all need to listen to that. Because when you do that, it relieves you. I think a lot of grown ass women have a hard time delegating a hard time giving something to other people to do. And there are so many people out there that do X, Y, and Z better than we do. So why would you not? Nevermind the fact that I remind myself, oh, if I get someone else to do it, then I'm actually employing, or like contracting someone, another Grown-Ass creative who now has some work, has more work. And so, I think delegating is the best thing you can do for all grown ass-women and people.

Dani Klein Modisett: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, there are areas where I am, they probably would say I'm a little bit nutty about language and anything written, like I, they'll be like, it's fine. I'm like, no, it's not fine. That shouldn't be a, that, that should be a this, you know, like that's where I get really controlling is about language. And I'm a little bit, my team is in their thirties and, uh, as we noted, uh, I'm 60. So, it is a generational thing. Like there, like I wrote this piece, oh my goodness, I'm not gonna remember, but Don Rickles was the figurehead for the piece. He was the photo and I chose a picture like this. Like, you know, for those of you just listening, like a smile. And she chose what ended up on the blog initially was this.

Jackie: Uhhh…

Dani Klein Modisett: Like Don Rickles sticking his tongue out and I was like, no, no, no, I don't wanna look at that, but like, she's in a rock band. She thought that was totally fun. Um, so there's like a taste element sometimes where I air to probably to what they would call is conservative. 

Jackie: Hmm. 

Dani Klein Modisett: Because I also think our client base is more my age and uh, and certainly corporate. I mean, we've had interviews, I can't remember which phone company it was with, but we went way down the line for a big gig for them. And then finally they were like, you know, it's too risky comedy, it's too risky, we can't do it. And even though we are an affiliative comedy company, I always say we're the Ted Lasso of comedy. Like it couldn't be anymore kid friendly, grandparent friendly, have cats walk across your face, like we're good with all of it, but people still they get nervous about it being too edgy  

Jackie: If you're enjoying this episode, I definitely recommend you go back and listen to Dani in 2019. It's really cool to hear where she was and what she's been able to accomplish. I will add the link to the show notes, but you can also find it at grownasswoman.guide/episode 14/.  

Jackie: What is one thing you want people to know about the work you're doing and what they should take away from this episode? 

Dani Klein Modisett: I am passionately committed to the belief that shared laughter will reach people and will- I hate using the word mitigate because it's the least funny word possible, but it does mitigate feelings of isolation and create a sense of belonging and wherever and whenever possible, do your best to show up with a sense of humor, and do what it takes to get yourself in that state where you're able to access your sense of humor, 'cause you never know who you'll be helping with that. 

Jackie: Yeah. I love that.  

Dani Klein Modisett: Thank you so much for having us. I don't know why I said us. There's just me here.

Jackie: Because it makes it easier when we say the collective us. Sometimes we say me, man, it's too much focus on me. 

Dani Klein Modisett: exactly. Exactly. But thank you for having me. Because my intention really is to have people appreciate the value of laughter and have us come in, whether it's your caregiving staff that is feeling burnt out, or your creative team, that's feeling blocked, bringing in outsiders who are professionals that know how to create a sense of play and open that door for people. It is the answer. And so that's really what I wanna get out there because I really would love to have that message be more and more commonplace rather than just, the risk takers rather than the outliers, but to have it become more commonplace. Like you hire a coach for so many things, like bring in a laughter team because it's going to have exponential positive impact on your culture. Boom. Mic drop. 

Jackie: I love that. I love that.  

Connect with Dani at laughteroncall.com. Or on social media @laughteroncall. 

Thank you so much for listening.  

Join me next week for another new episode, with a grown-ass woman, who's using her life experience to entertain us. I would love to hear from you. Please leave a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And let's definitely connect on social. You can find me at grownasswoman.guide. And please tell a friend about the show. Until next time you are a Grown-Ass Woman. Act accordingly.